Beyond the loss

Understanding Grief

Grief is a natural response to losing someone deeply loved. It affects every part of life — emotionally, physically, and spiritually. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no fixed timeline. Many parents find that grief changes form over time, from deep pain to a quieter, enduring love. Remember, healing doesn’t mean forgetting — it means learning to live again while carrying love forward.

Be kind to yourself — your emotions may come in waves.
Allow tears, anger, and silence to coexist.
Seek connection through talking, writing, or creative expression.

Where to seek professional help

While peer groups offer comfort and understanding, professional grief counselling can provide deeper support. A counsellor or psychologist can help you navigate trauma, depression, anxiety, and the ongoing process of meaning-making after loss. Reaching out for professional help is a sign of courage, not weakness.

Contact Mayes Counselling — mayescounselling.com
Speak to your GP for a Mental Health Care Plan referral.
Griefline: 1300 845 745 | Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

Grief is a journey

Grief following the loss of a child is one of the most profound and heartbreaking journeys a person can face. It reshapes your world, your identity, and your sense of time. In the midst of this pain, how you treat yourself matters deeply. Offering yourself kindness and compassion is not only healing—it’s essential.

Why kindness matters

Self-kindness is not a luxury—it’s a lifeline. Research shows that self-compassion can reduce the intensity of grief, depression, and trauma, and increase resilience and emotional healing.

Being kind to yourself doesn’t mean ignoring your pain. It means allowing space for it, without judgement. It means treating yourself with the same tenderness you would offer a friend who is hurting.

Grief after the loss of a child is not something to “get over.” It’s something you learn to carry—with tenderness, with courage, and with love. Be patient with yourself. Honour your feelings. And let kindness be your companion as you walk this path.

You are not alone. You are loved. And your grief matters.

Gentle ways to support yourself

There is no right way to grieve, and no timeline. But here are some gentle practices that may help:

Accept that grief is part of love – Your grief is a reflection of your deep bond. It’s okay to feel broken. It’s okay to feel joy. Both can coexist.
Acknowledge your pain – Let yourself feel what you feel.Let the wave of grief wash over you. You don’t need to hide your grief or pretend to be okay.
Give yourself time – Healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others. That’s normal. "Remember the bouncing ball in the box".
Accept all emotions – Sadness, anger, guilt, even laughter—they are all valid. You are not betraying your child by feeling moments of lightness.
Be your own best friend – Speak to yourself with the same love and compassion you would offer someone you care about deeply.
Rest – Step away from responsibilities when you can. Give yourself permission to rest.
Prioritise you – Nourish yourself gently. Sleep, eat, move—these small acts of care can support your emotional healing.
Reach out for support – You don’t have to do this alone. Let others help, whether it’s through practical tasks or emotional presence. Professional support from a grief counsellor can also be invaluable.

Honouring your child

Creating rituals to remember your child can be a powerful act of love and healing. These moments of connection can bring comfort and meaning.

Create a memory box – Fill it with photos, letters, keepsakes—anything that holds significance.
Plant a tree or garden – A living tribute can offer a peaceful space to reflect and remember.
Express your creativity – Write, paint, sew, or craft something in their honour.
Mark special days – Celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays with rituals that feel meaningful to you.
Support a cause – Donate or volunteer in your child’s name. It can be a way to channel your love into something lasting.

The emotional landscape of grief

After such a devastating loss, it’s common to experience a wide range of emotions: deep sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, even moments of relief. These feelings may come in waves, and they may be accompanied by harsh self-judgement or a sense that you’re grieving “wrong.”

You might find yourself thinking:

“I should have done more.”
“Why did I smile today?”
“I don’t deserve to feel joy.”

These thoughts are painful, but they are also common. They reflect the depth of your love and the complexity of your grief.

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